Been a While

Definitely has been a while. And yes, I have about a hundred more Notebook of People poems stocked up; however, I'm not posting one today.

I'm restless. I always knew that, of course; I have this complete inability to do just one thing at a time because my brain reacts so fast to everything. But now? I have this constant ache in my chest, in my heart, like something in me just wants to get out. Because I want to do more, see more, and I'm so very aware that every day, every second, I'm losing time.

Society is so demanding sometimes, crowding you in, not letting you have any choices in what you want to do. I can't stay in one place. I'm too restless and I want too much. It's itchy, uncomfortable, driving, and sometimes I think if I stay one more day in this dull, listless place where everything is mapped and planned out, I'll go mad. The days are monotonous. The same. Boring. I don't think I'm meant for that. I'm always itching to go find something new, discover something exciting, be someone I never thought I could be.

Once upon a time, I scoffed at anything life had to give. Now, I want to scratch and dig and pull out anything it might have to offer by the roots. Except I can't. I'm limited by my age, by money, by my family, by a thousand circumstances that I can't change unless I completely uproot my whole life. Sometimes I think I'd do that. I think I'd throw everything away to start new just to feel different than I do.

I used to search for a meaning in life. Now I search for all of life. I've found my meaning, and I've learned all I can from this tiny town. I've always been restless. I've always wanted to see everything. I just didn't realize how much I wanted it.

I look at my parents, so sedate in their life. They go to work. They come home. They drive me to swim practice. It cycles, over and over. It never changes. I don't want to be that. I can't be that. I don't want to settle down and just exist until I'm so exhausted that I can't stand on my feet anymore. I need to be doing more. There has to be more. I have to find that more.

I've been everywhere but here, tried everything but this
Somehow I'm still far too scared to take the leap
As if I could somehow sprout wings and catch myself
Before I spiral too far down, down, and drown
Speak a truth I've always known but never heard
I could live like this, but I wouldn't survive
I'd die as I lived, live as I died
Set myself free, chain myself to cliffs
Twisting until the mountain crumbles to dust
And I turn to dust, become a mountain that I could never be
What could I be if I wasn't just me?

The Man With the Queen

He sat on the streets, chess board before him
Another player across, pieces scattered
The battle of wits at its peak
A fight that he was losing

A beer bottle sat by his side
A cigarette on his lips
A filthy coat hung over his shoulders
He pondered his next move

Pawn down, bishop there
Knight moves, rook stays
Flurry of moves, another loss
Moves the Queen--
"Checkmate."

The Boy Who Spoke French

"Ne t’inquiète pas," spoken softly
Soothing jarred nerves, wrung out hands
Hours like liquid, flowing around
Too much time, not quite enough

A quiet song, a quick laugh
A broad grin, a lengthy talk
A long afternoon, slowly dripping out
With us at the centre, watching it pass

"Ne t’inquiète pas," hand on shoulder
"Ne t’inquiète pas, dance with me."
"I don't dance." "But with me you can."
So music became the world

Physics never applied to us that day
Math had no hold on us
But a few words in another language
"Ne t’inquiète pas."

The Pirate Girl

She dozed off to visions of the sea
A sea in space, transcending time
She swooped in and saved me
A kindred soul looking for its kind

She was the Watson to my Holmes
A heroine armed with a teddy bear
We found our own world to roam
We saved each other there

She questioned herself for years
She found herself and fought
I pushed down all my fears
We found what we always sought

So her spirit, dazed and wild
Found mine, cold and hard
Fate on that day smiled
Then broke us from the start

Swim Meet

   If any of you were wondering why I haven't posted in the past few days, it's because I had a swim meet and I was too tired to do anything like write poems or post things. I'd tell you about the swim meet, except a lot of it is far too personal for me to want to share on here. Though, a few things of notice about my team:


1. The gay tendencies are freaking unreal. No one's actually gay, but looking at them...well, I won't go into it, but most of the people on my team can back it up. That's not just brotherly affection there, or, as my friend would put it: "The 'b' is falling off of 'bromance' there, guys." This little gem even happened:
Z: Hey, couldn't <K> and <T> be gay?
K: <looks up, looks at T> Yeah, probably.

2. We're exceptionally close as a team, especially as swimming is mostly an individual sport.

3. We have far too many pranksters or the equivalent thereof.

4. Our team is actually pretty talented. Especially considering we were going up college teams and 2 Olympians.

5. Apparently liking science and reading a textbook at a meet is Not Socially Acceptable and WILL result in your textbook being confiscated and read out loud. Except no one will understand and then your book will disappear into the annals of...somewhere.

6. Everyone is really touchy feely all the time. If I could have a dollar for every time someone used me as a pillow, chair, bed, footrest, etc., I'd have a grand by now.

7. Music tastes=awful.

8. Other teams have a bad habit of getting between our friendly fights. Do not ever get between our fights. Someone (or something) always ends up getting hurt.

9. If my glasses fall to the bottom of the diving well (that's 16 feet deep), I hold B solely responsible and he will fetch them for me.

10. There is no such thing as "too much".


I'll post a poem later today. For right now, though, I think this is it.

The Magnet Boy

Not a scientist, not a musician
A pack rat, needing his hoard
His magnets alongside his trombone
His trombone alongside a binder

The salty sweet taste of effort
One he's hardly ever known
A note of music for his troubles
Blown away on winds he doesn't know

A magnet, polar ends, polar strengths
So we cautiously stand by each other
Attracting, repulsing, pushing, pulling
A trombone and flute breaching our defense

The Girl Who Lost Her Soul

She lost her will three years ago
When her muscles tore and bones tightened
She lost the thing she loved the most
She couldn't swim anymore.

She broke her heart two years ago
When she loved a boy with golden eyes
He never looked twice at her
She gave up on him.

She left her home one year ago
When she broke away from her parents
It was a choice she had to make
She missed her life.

Now she's held together by threads
Threads she weaves and strengthens
She's lost herself this time around
But she'll find the light again.

The Boy With the Golden Eyes

The easiest way to describe him: gold
Eyes like the rising sun, curls like grape vines
Laughter, smiles, jokes on his lips
Smirk and a grin, waving away

Jumping, twisting, splashing in water
Diving, swimming, kicking away
Tackles and hugs, running around
Just a chant and a hand signal off

The lazy grins when he says hello
Boundless energy, fooling around
Laughs at life, warmth and pride
Right inside his golden eyes

The Girl With Five Loves

She loves her sisters
Two of them, jewels to her
She takes them under her wing
Protecting, teaching, loving
One, two.

She loves him, that boy
Worried she's messed up
Her best friend and worst enemy
He understands her, hurts her
Three.

She loves her friends
These are the ones that stay
They question how, not why
They are her companions
Four.

She loves the mask she dons
Hiding everything behind it
That funny, careless, flirty mask
Covering a soul of shadows
Five.

The Mindless Boy

He dreams of walking the stars
Running through the universe
He dreams of Einstein and Aristotle
Being better than them all

He dreams of intelligence
Smarter than everyone else
He dreams of creativity
Taking down the world

He thinks he's too good for anyone else
But not good enough for himself
His friends are few, loves are fewer
But they stand by him still

He dreams of the skies and seeking its secrets
He sleeps to the lullabies of the heavens
He sees the turn of the universe
Feels its beat beneath him, thudding
And he can only dream more

People

   So I've realised that I come across to a lot of people as demeaning, rude, or simply arrogant. What people may not realise is that all of you who think of me like that come off like that to me too. There are people out there I simply cannot stand--self congratulatory, stuck up, taking advantage of others, dishonest, or just rub me the wrong way. You know, those people that make cruel jokes and imply that they're better than everyone else, or something of the equivalent.

   Let's make one thing very clear. I have faults; in fact, I probably have the most faults out of anyone I know. But one thing I am proud of--I am honest with people. If you irritate, anger, or annoy me, I will let you know and I will expect you to do something about it. You know, you can keep bothering me even more, or you can ignore me and stay away from me, or you can try to make yourself less irritating. It doesn't matter to me. But I expect people to know what I think of them so there are no miscommunications.

  To be fair, it takes a lot for me to get properly angry at someone, though that doesn't mean I'm not angry a lot. All it means is that you have to do something really bad to really get me mad. I can get rankled, irritated, and annoyed, but getting angry? That's not me. When I get angry, I break people's noses. Or bones. Whichever one comes into contact first.

   But this is the kind of person that irritates me above all else and has the highest chance of making me angry: the people who think they're better than everyone else or imply that they are. It's one thing to realise your abilities and what you can do, but it's another to take those skills and abilities and assume that you outrank everyone else. What right do you have to say that you are better? Does that mean you have more of a right to life or deserve special treatment? The extremists, people who not only think or imply they are better, but actually act upon those thoughts--they are the worst.

  Yeah, had to get that out today. Another Notebook of People poem coming out in about...five minutes. See you all then!

The Boy With the Heart of Gold

Understanding, kind, helpful
Those are the first
Smart, compassionate, thoughtful
Those are the second

He's the boy with his head in the clouds
His feet planted firmly in the earth
With laughter on his tongue
Sharp wit in his mind
He's the one to run to

He's the safe one, the careful and tried
The one whose twin hands are both tied
By the stars, the earth, a girl, his friends
He thinks the beginning, or perhaps the end?

He's the one who knows others
And he's the one to save them all.

The Girl of Stars

The stars, she says, are beautiful
The sky waits for the dark and takes them out
The planets spinning, galaxies whirling
So she watches the sky for the stars

The stars may be beautiful, but so is music
And so she picks up a violin
The sky rends to pieces and the stars weep
As the heavens move in their cosmic dance

The stars may shine their dusty lights on her
But she can love too, so love she does
A boy with stars in his eyes and rocks beneath his feet
One person out of hundreds, thousands

She lives like the stars
Brilliant, fiery, throwing out light
Reserved, spinning, somehow lonely
So she finds others like her

The stars light up all that's around
So she illuminates petty lives
Sees hidden things, with help and hope
Like a mother, but just too far

Stars burn within, casting her away
She is a star, with her planets and moons
The wonders of science, the beauty of music
The joy of friends, the worries of life
She could be a star

The Boy With the Bible

This is a story of love and broken hearts
Of secrets and friendship
Of strength and weakness
Of life and death
This is a story of the best days of my life
This is a story of the worst

This is a story of a boy who moved
Of the love he held for God
Of the love he felt for me
Of the love he had for another
This is a story of him torn apart
This is a story of me breaking down

This is a story of science and faith
Of building, studying, fighting
Of taking risks and jumping
Of making mistakes and learning
This is a story of us together
This is a story of us gone away

This is a story of him and me
Of loving him too much to bear
Of him not enough, loving another
Of burying the pain, drowning the sorrow
This is a story of wild happiness and joy
This is a story despair and fury

This was how it was, how it was meant to be
He loved so many, but wasn't for me
We had the same mind and split at the seams
The tragedy of our comedy is his story.

The Bird Girl

Here she flutters, waiting for something
Like a flighty bird, can't wait, can't stay
To worry, to flit, always dreaming
A throat built for singing, chirping away
Uncontainable.

Best intentions, best of heart
How could I begrudge her that?
In my story she's played her part
The question is: Now what?
Incorrigible.

But trust, little bird, that's all you need
From you to others and others to you
Stay, brave enough to not flee
Breathe, not far enough for you
Intentional.

The bird girl, who haunts the shadows
Of my mind, and soars by day
To dusk and falling far too slow
To night, and then she flies away
Irrepressible.

The Car Boy

This is the one where I could have moved
I could have lived in Europe
Could have gone to school in Switzerland
Lived somewhere different

This is the one where I helped a boy
He lost his brother to a rope
Cut him down from the ceiling
And broke his heart to pieces

This is the one where a car was damaged
And in fear, didn't tell his rich father
I helped him find his courage
And he found himself respected

This is the one where his family offered
For me to move to Europe
I could have a job and schooling
I could have a new life

This is the one where I stayed right here
So I could see where I could take myself
I could have all my adventures
But without his help.

This is the one where I found myself questioning
What if? What if?
What if I had said yes?
This is my life's greatest what if.

The Girl of Nine Tongues

Summer days, like blazing fire
When I met the Italian girl
Hair like thistles, skin like coffee
And a tongue with nine different lives.

Nine languages, she says
Nine languages she can speak
For Inferno, Faust, or Don Quixote
Perhaps even Phantom of the Opera

A literary mind, close to genius
A silver tongue, accented with lives
Nine lives, nine tongues
Nine languages that live inside her
But what can those lives survive on?

New Things

   I've been thinking a lot recently--about what I want from life, about what I want to do, about things that I can or can't change. And this dawned on me when I was taking the ACTs (far too much time, obviously)--I can be happy. Not the kind of happy where you go around and be optimistic to everyone you meet, but the kind of happy where you realise that this is your lot in life, you're okay with it, and you can make the best of it. No jealousy, no overworrying...I can do that. I think I'm going to try, but it's going to be difficult--after all, I am one of the worst worrywarts I know.

   Another thing is that I've decided to do a sort of Notebook of People thing. I know many people, but all of them stick in my mind in some particular ways. I've decided to write things about them like that. There won't be names in these writings, but you can probably tell who you are. Some will be written in prose, some in poetry. It all depends on how I feel.
   I think I might be updating this more often. I've wanted to do this Notebook of People thing for quite a while. I've just never done it up till now. I think I'll post the first one in just a few minutes, actually. When I post more, you'll be able to find them all under the label "Notebook of People."

Until next time, comrades.

SciOly Regionals

It.
Was.
AMAZING.
...in so many ways, some too private and priceless to speak of. I got to spend time with friends I haven't been able to spend time with for so long. Competition was good. We went, we competed, and we WON. I did four events. I got four medals. 3 gold, one silver. I swept Astronomy (34 points ahead of 2nd place--111%), crushed Maglev (~30 points higher than 2nd place), did reasonably well in GeoMaps (pulled ahead to first by 7.5 points), and did fine in Dynamic Planet (2nd place by two points).

And...well...

This is my dream team.
I've found my SO dream team. Now to make it work.

More to come later!

Frozen

   First things first: I am a huge Disney fan. I love Disney; I love the classics and most of the new things they do. They're an incredibly talented corporation with some serious stuff behind them. I also love The Snow Queen, which was supposedly what this movie was based on. So of course, I was anticipating this year's Frozen.

What. A. Huge. Disappointment.

   There were so many things wrong with it, so many things that could have been so much better. The thing that is most unbelievable is that they had the audacity to say that this was based off The Snow Queen. Now, I know Disney takes liberties with their stories, but there was literally nothing that was actually similar to the original story. It feels like Disney wrote their own story and then stuck in random bits and pieces of The Snow Queen to try to stay true to their "inspiration". But I won't dwell on this; in fact, let's ignore this in the scope of this criticism.

    The pace of this story was also wrong. It was much too rushed, and there was no expository anything. We barely got to see their parents before they get killed. We don't learn the name of the kingdom, or the girls' royal roles, until much too late in the film. In the first ten minutes of the film, we go from tiny kids who are best friends playing, to a herd of tiny trolls, to fifteen years through a snowman song, to Elsa's coronation. Uh, what? There was no development whatsoever. I saw what it was supposed to accomplish, but I didn't feel how it was supposed to be. I also have strong issues with the parents. Who locks up their kid in a room for fifteen years? And what was the whole thing with the ship? And later on, the trolls? Oh, let's not forget the random snowman and the reindeer and the whole gang of buff males who were there...why? There was just too much stuff with no room for it in the story.

   Next, we get to the theme of this story. Except...what theme? Sisterly love? Don't marry the guy you just met? Loyalty? If you love someone, you'll do anything for them? Everything is so scattered, so diverging and running off on all tangents possible...it was very difficult to see any linking theme.

   The music is also completely in the wrong place in this film. Good music? Yes. "Let It Go" was masterful, "In Summer" a delight, "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?" moving--but only in itself. Within the story, all of them seemed forced, with bad transitions from speech to music, or just a scene that has little to no smoothness to it, as if you ripped the movie into pieces and tried to patch it together again--without tape. Good music, but all in the wrong places. There wasn't space for it, nor proper transitions.

   ...I won't even get into the animation. Not even the magical teleporting of body extensions through other parts of bodies. No sirree. That's not my place.

   There are so many plotholes and character downfalls that I can't even begin to name them all. Firstly, Elsa is supposedly so powerful that she could freeze all of Arendelle with just one hand, right? So how the heck does a pair of gloves inhibit all that power? The trolls...I'm not even going to go there. There are so many things wrong with that. The fact that Anna fell in love with two dudes over the course of, like, three days...I don't even. And Elsa, who magically changes her entire personality in less than a day. From "Conceal, don't feel" and "I can't do it!" to "I will save everyone because sister". "Let It Go"--also in the wrong part of the film. This is supposed to be a turning point for Elsa, yes? It's supposed to be her epiphany, her point of no return. So why is it that immediately after that huge "I DON'T CARE", she goes back to her "Conceal, don't feel, conceal, don't feel" mantra? Why is it that right after that she not only goes back to not embracing her powers, but still keeps them away from everyone and everything? Sure, FEAR, but "Let It Go" literally just said that she didn't care and it was time to see what she could do. So go do it! Don't just hide there and alienate yourself!

   This lacked a cohesive story. The dialogue was poor and unrealistic, and everything was stated outright. Everything was said, not shown. "There's so much fear!" Yes, Elsa, there's fear. Now show that. Don't tell it. Don't even mention it. Just show us how you feel. The love between the sisters was said to be there, but it wasn't shown, because hey, they spent fifteen years apart with just about no communication other than Elsa telling Anna to go away! There needs to be a sort of story behind that kind of love, or closeness. Anna claims to "know Elsa", but once again...fifteen years.

   Not only that, but the characters were also incredibly lacking. I saw what the characters were supposed to be, but that isn't how they came off at all. Anna was supposed to be this sweet, caring, loyal princess who loves her sister no matter what. Instead, she came off as a naive, stupid, dramatic, and foolish girl whose innocence is so complete that it is a flaw. She stupidly chases after her sister without a plan, without food, in the dead of winter, refusing help. Uh, what?
   Elsa was actually one of my biggest problems of this film. What's she supposed to be? She's not a hero, she's not a villain, she's just...there. She's supposed to be a beautiful, misunderstood girl with powers she herself doesn't understand and so caring that she's willing to lock herself away to save her family. Except she came off as another stupid, foolish, naive psychopath (and not a good one; not like the Master or Jim Moriarty or River Song) with no emotional control, all sex appeal, and a coward. Instead of facing her powers, learning to control them, and using them for the better like all the best heroes (Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Maximum Ride and her gang, Donna from Doctor Who, etc.), she hides it and runs away from it, literally doing nothing to offset that. She accidentally kills her sister twice (even though she feels regret both times), but she doesn't learn her lesson either. She's a very typical Mary Sue--in fact, the best canon Mary Sue I've seen in a long time. Beautiful beyond belief? Check. Superpower? Check. Perfect in every way except for one defining flaw? Check. Everyone in love with her, and all those not portrayed negatively? Check and check. Saves the day? Check. Disney even played up on her sex appeal (look through the movie; you'll find it)--Mary Sue if ever I saw one. There could have been so much done with the story had Elsa not been such an incorrigible character.

   Essentially, Disney could have done much better. I expected better. I dislike Frozen for many of its aspects. Though I will admit this: those landscapes? Fantastic.

A New Year

                Happy New Year! As 2013 ends and 2014 begins, I would like to think back not only on this year, but the past few years. I will say this: while in some ways I have been the most unfortunate person imaginable, in others, I have been extremely lucky. I’ve had dark days and days where everything is light, days where the world collapsed around me and days when I could hold up the sky. There’s been so much, and I can’t hope to do it all justice.

                Firstly, I am going to make this clear: Life is not simple and it is not easy, nor do I expect it to be. But sometimes, I expect it to be better than it is. Yet despite that, I’ve found that my bitter experiences sweeten the taste of those beautiful, good experiences.

                So before I start my spiel on everything, I want to say this: Thank you. Thank you to all who have stuck with me. Thank you to all who have ever helped me through anything. Thank you to those who opened my eyes to something new and wonderful when I couldn’t see anymore. Thank you to you who led me when I was blind. Thank you, ones who showed me new worlds before my very eyes. This year, more than any other, was when you all affected me the most. This was my open year, after blinding and crushing pain, after careful recovery, when I needed to rediscover who I was, and all of you who interacted with me helped that. 2013 was special because this is when I found out who I wanted to be and everything I needed to be. There’s still such a long way to go, but I have had the best beginning possible.

                In the past two or three years, I have finally been able to make friends who stay. While there are not many of them, they are there, and for that, I am eternally thankful. Before my eighth grade year, I had never had a friend who stayed—they always left, and I became a bit afraid to make friends. During eighth grade, however, I met the person who was to become my moirail, or my soul mate in a completely platonic sense. It was also during eighth grade that the most difficult period of my life occurred—my “darkest hour”, if you will. In eighth grade, several very important events happened, without which I would not be half the person I am today. I became more aware, more thoughtful. I became Sherlock as well as the Doctor. I lost my hard-driven “me-me-me” ways and instead put almost everyone and everything else before me (which was another extreme that I eventually got rid of). I became truly passionate about violin, and I dove further into physics and astronomy than ever before.

                Ninth grade was more a year of recovery than anything. Eighth grade had been unbelievably harsh on me and the person I was. It completely shattered apart my character and rebuilt it from scratch, on only the barest of bases. It was a very lonely year, but it was expected and needed. Being on the swim team didn’t hurt either. By the time tenth grade started, I was ready to try reintegrating myself into normal society a little more.

                I’m still not a part of “normal society”. I doubt I ever will be. But I no longer make my distasteful remarks about everyone and everything out loud. I no longer make a huge effort to simply get others to leave me be. I don’t openly antagonize people anymore. But I do feel very strongly about being myself around everyone. Anyone who talks to me will get a full dose of nerd an musician. The darker parts of me are usually shut down during interaction, unless you happen to be one of the very few people I trust. In that case, things may be different. Regardless, all of that is still me. I am always a nerd and musician. I don’t say “sir” or “ma’am”, not unless you truly garner my respect. I believe that those titles are honorific and should only be used with those that you truly honor. If you are not one of those people for me, you may as well stuff all dreams of me ever calling you that.

                As far as my family goes, well, they exist. That’s all that needs to be said about them. They don’t need to be mentioned more than that here.

                Now we come to my friends. As the Doctor said, “My friends have always been the best of me.” In my case, that’s true, especially this year, when I slowly started to rebuild myself from the ashes. My friends reflect me. Some of them reflect who I want to be, and others reflect who I was, and all of them help me to become who I need to be. The ones I have right now are the friends that I can’t lose. My moirail, my wonderful, great soul mate (once again, platonic), who is always there, awkward or not. My other two friends, fangirls and always the lightener of moods, the ones who pull me back up when I fall. My friend-perhaps-more-or-less-something, who is confusing and gives me something to hold on to for someone else, but helps me whenever he can. Mr. Astro-Rocks, who is analytical and always ready with some sort of science conversation. Miss Astro, who is the person to go to for random crap, astronomy, and violin, who is my ultimate vent for, well, everything. They are my honorary family. They’re all such wonderful, great people. One of them in particular is easy for me to relate to, because we are so very similar in so many ways; even our dreams for the future match.

                These few years, I’ve also began to finally know what I am truly passionate about. I’ll be the first to say it—I am a jack of all trades. I swim competitively. I do Science Olympiad and I do it well. I love math and physics. I write novels and short stories, and they’re good. I write poetry and am co-editor-in-chief of my school’s poetry newsletters. I paint and I win art competitions. I draw and sketch, and I am good at it. I volunteer at the hospital and in the ICU—the only underclassman to be accepted. I can do calligraphy like nobody’s business. I play violin and am good enough to warrant a violin worth thirty grand (though I got it for much less). I can compose music and once again have won competitions with that. I design robots and build them, and they work. I can do all manners of things, but I don’t want to do them all. I have realized that my true passions lie only in science and music. I love everything else I listed up there, sure, but I would be all right without them (even if surviving without writing would be pretty tough). But if you take away my music, you take away my soul. If you take away my science, you take away my world. So this year, that is what I will focus on—the science and the music. I’m not saying that I will stop doing any of the things I mentioned; in fact, I’ll still do them and so much that I won’t have time to do anything  else, but I will really begin to truly focus on those things that are the world to me.

                It’s also in the past couple years that I’ve finally managed to really start working towards my dream. Ever since I was tiny and little (like, when I was two), I’ve dreamed of flying out to the stars. When I was young, it was just because the stars were pretty and I wanted to see everything that was pretty. When I was three or four, my dad began to teach me about life, death, and the universe, and I started to realize that the stars were far away and so much more than just specks of light in the distance. I wanted to go to them because they were far away. As I grew progressively older, I began to understand more and more of what the universe was.I started to realize how expansive it was, and how much there could be out there. By the time I was twelve, I’d started to truly comprehend what it would mean to go out there. My dream turned into an obsession, and I began to study astronomy in earnest when I was thirteen. By the time I was fourteen, I could name almost every star in the sky and half of their locations.

                That’s my dream. My dream is to go out there in the huge, huge universe and see it. I want to be there. I want to build the machines that will make it there. I want to create FTL drives and build the ships, and more than anything, I want to fly out to the stars. I want to see what there is out there, because there is so, so much and it is going to be so, so beautiful. The universe is so big and grand, and this Earth is so small; how can I be happy with my mind and dreams only staying here? There’s a glorious place out there, just waiting for someone to go out there and discover it, and I intend to be one of those people.

                You see, when you’re young, you think the world is so big and so small at the same time. Everything looks big to you. Everything seems larger than life. But as far as you know, the world only stretches as far as your family and the places where you play. Your fantasies are reality, and that’s your world. When you get a little older, you start to learn about the world, and you start to realize that the world is so much bigger than you ever thought it could be. Suddenly, the world seems so huge, and you feel as if you can never experience it all. Some people stop here. Most people are happy with this stage, even though most of them slowly realize that the world isn’t as big as they first thought it was.

                But there are some people that go farther. There are some people for whom the world isn’t great or grand enough Those people start to realize the universe and start to come to know how tiny and insignificant we are, and suddenly, just this world isn’t enough anymore, because there is just so much more. I’m one of those people. I find different worlds in music, in writing and painting and all my artistic abilities. I delve into a world of science. But I always want to see more and feel more, experience more. I want to write the music of the stars and paint the fires of a supernova. I want to play the beams of quasars in indescribable patterns and walk on the stepping stones of the universe. Because there is just so much out there, so glorious and wonderful, and I have to see it. I’ve seen New York and the Pleiades, Atlanta and the Orion Nebula, China and the Andromeda Galaxy, Chicago and Canis Major, and I know that none of that, nothing, will compare to the indescribable beauty and wonder of finding and discovering the whole wide universe. I want to fly among the stars. That’s why I want to be a physicist or an engineer.

                And since I’ve realized that, I’ve started to actually work towards it. I have started to hunker down and study astronomy and physics, math and chemistry. I took enough extra classes and AP classes to graduate a year early, which is horrifically hard in my school system. I make sure that my grades are up to par and I remember to let the artistic side of me out too, because that’s what I’ll use to describe the universe when I get out there.

                That’s what I’m going to do in this upcoming year. I am going to make my dream start coming true. My violin inspires me, so I practice and I let the music move me to action. I will start really doing calculus until I can do it all, and I intend to read as many articles as I can about modern aerospace engineering. I’m going to take as many AP classes as I can and perhaps register for classes at a nearby university. It’s not that I want to overwork myself, or that I want to be better than anyone else. It’s just that there’s so much that I don’t know and I can’t wait to discover it. Because I will do it all.

                And you know the best part?

                I am not alone.