Ranting (sorry)

I always want to write blog posts, but it seems that half the time, I forget. Well, here’s one more for the day.

Fair warning: This blog post is mostly ranting.

You know when someone does something so totally unforgivable that you can never even look them in the eye again? When just their very presence makes your blood boil and your teeth clench, when you try to avoid them at all costs?

For reasons I won’t explain here, my dad has just about hit that point. I suppose this is bad, as he and I live in the same house. I can’t stand to be in the same room as him for more than five minutes, sometimes even less. I literally make detours and go out of my way to avoid here. Luckily, I don’t eat dinner with the rest of my family, so I can mostly just pretend he’s not there. Car rides with him, however, are absolute hell. I usually just stick in my earphones and turn it up so I can’t hear him, and he just has to fume because all his attempts at any further communication with me are fruitless.

But honestly, he sort of deserves it. Once again, unmentionable, unforgivable things. I can’t stand the sight of him, I can’t stand to acknowledge his presence. Sure, I’m an awful person. Sure, I don’t like people so much. At this point, I have basically given up on trying to be nice. It never seems to go anywhere anyways.

Another thing that irks me: teachers’ favouritism. I have one nameless teacher who so obviously favours a few guys in my class that it’s not even funny. They act up and don’t do their homework and tell football stories and check their phones and hit on girls, and all she does is smile benignly at them and laugh. I pull out a physics book and start doing problems, and she starts telling me how I shouldn't do that and how this is ENGLISH class and put that away right now you foolish girl for you cannot do that. Excuse me, lady, firstly, I'm actually GOOD at English. Very good. And I’m doing PHYSICS. For something that matters to me. Something that’s actually helpful and academic, something that MATTERS. I’m not hitting on everyone of the opposite sex within a twenty metre radius, or going on about some fight the football team had, or giggling like a girl over some Instagram picture. If you want to get me in trouble, fine. But at least get the other kids, who by the way, are way worse than I am, in trouble too.

Favouritism.

Is.

Not.

Okay.

Something else that has been giving me massive headaches is just other people that I actually like and care about. My two best friends recently started dating, which sort of alienates me completely. This wouldn’t be so bad, except that I can count on one hand (not joking; literally) the number of friends I really care about, and boom, there go two. It’s not very fun; I sort of hang out with those two plus one other friend selectively; that’s it. It’s a little bit hurtful, actually, but I am happy for them. Another thing is that a friend (actually the friend mentioned in the previous sentence) is taking me to homecoming, and his parents are MORE than going all out about it (something about going out just to get new pants, I really don’t know). Said friend realizes that there is no “date” in this; we’re merely going so other people will stop irritating the two of us. His parents do not realize this. And I realised that when said friend told me his parents wanted to take me out to dinner. This bothers me greatly, since I do not want a date.

My main problem with this “people I care about” thing, however, is another one of my very, very close friends (though I’m not sure “friend” is the right term…). His problem is that he is arrogant, stubborn, slightly depressive, and has a temper hotter than the core of a hypergiant star. These traits get elevated when he’s under stress. As he’s doing college applications right now, yeah, you could say he’s under a ton of stress, especially with other conditions and expectations on him that I won’t go into. Basically, he has become a world-class jerk in the past two weeks for various reasons, and while I’m very worried about him (for both his sanity and his health), I really want to just go and punch him in the face and knock some sense into that supposedly genius head of his. And for the record, he offered to let me break his nose if I wanted to. I feel like I just might take him up on that offer.

See, here’s the thing. When he gets stressed, his emotions get frazzled, and he starts being snippy and rude. He starts accusing people of random things and then refuses to listen when they offer help. Then he starts ignoring people, generally trying to avoid them, and then tries really hard to mask it. The Mask works on other people; at least, most other people. However, it doesn't work all that well on me, because I know him so ridiculously well. He tries to pretend that he’s all right and fine and nothing is wrong, and usually I don’t push him, but I know when things are wrong with him. Quite honestly, it’s a little bit hurtful when he doesn't tell me, because that signifies that either he doesn't trust me enough or he is going through something really really bad that he should probably have help for. In any case, he’s an arrogant berk, and he’s taken up enough space here.

And as if all this isn't enough, I have a headache the size of the Local Group and then some. It’s not as if this is unexpected, really; I’m quite prone to massive headaches. Still, what an awful addition to an already awful week...