There are some times when you feel like the
biggest jerk in the history of ever, even though things aren't your fault at all. See, I have this history class
that I am taking, and there are tons of people who are failing it at present
moment. There are smart people who've never gotten below a 94 in their life who
are failing or just struggling to maintain a C or B. We get thrown headfirst
into content, and for a lot of people, they just can’t keep up. They don’t know
how to deal with the barrage of content that we get, and the fact that we get
through thirty pages a week and have a test every other week. They don’t know
how to write essays fast or they just can’t write. Currently, I’m one of the
only people in the class who have an A. I am also one of two, maybe three,
people who have a really high A (I think I have a 98.6 right now). So one of the most frequent
questions I get asked is how I study and prepare for this class. The problem?
I can’t answer
that question.
See, I don’t
study for this class. Not even remotely. Usually, I do the homework on the day
it is due. I never look back at my notes once I finish taking them in class. I
don’t even really pay attention in class, because I’m folding origami or
writing a story or doing calculus problems or studying physics. I don’t really
read the textbook; I skim it over while I’m doing homework (usually, the
homework is take notes on the textbook). I never plan my essays or think about
what argument I have to make before I have to make it. I also hate history, so
I feel no need to really make an effort at all.
If everyone
“studied” the way I do, we’d have a class of F’s…and then me. And it’s not fair
for them. It’s really not. I have a good friend who is in the same class I am,
who is one of the smartest and most dedicated people I know. She has never had
anything below a mid-A as an average in any of her classes before, and right
now, she’s struggling just to maintain a low B. She studies the content every
night for at least an hour or two, habitually going to bed past midnight just
to study for this class. She rereads the textbook at least five or six times,
takes the notes we take in class, retakes them, then rephrases them, makes
flash cards for them, and generally goes way overboard with everything just to not fail. The first time she
asked me what I did to study and I said, “Well…I don’t study...at all...”, she
looked like she was going to slap me to Antarctica and back and break down
crying.
I feel awful
when I think about things like that. Everyone is really struggling with this
class. A classmate of mine who is an amazing writer details every part of her
essay two days before time and goes through every nuance of it to make it
perfect…and I get a better score than her. Every time. Another classmate
stresses about it greatly and goes to our teacher for advice and help at least
once a week, and I still do better than her by an average of 20 points. Yet
another very intelligent classmate makes timelines and notes by himself, asks
questions, and generally just tries really hard, but I still get a higher score
on him on tests and quizzes and analyses.
The class
average is a C, and this is apparently perfectly normal and acceptable. The teacher says that if you
make a B in this class, you are golden and above average. I’m the only kid he
has who doesn't even listen in class (once again, origami, story, calc, phys).
Everyone else hangs on to his every word just to be able to pass. My dedicated
friend takes notes over and over again, and she stresses so much that she looks
like she’s about to cry half the time.
It’s not fair to
those people who slave and work night and day just to pass this class. It’s not
fair that they have to work so incredibly hard to get a mediocre grade, and I
just wing my way through and end up with a near-perfect grade. It’s not fair
that they have to give up activities and time to study and do extra work, when
I ignore this class in favour of other things I like to do. I make no effort at
all, and I do so much better than everyone else. It makes me feel like an awful
person, even though I know it’s really not my fault. Things just…come easily to
me. Remembering things and writing things, taking pieces of information and
analysing the crap out of them...it’s just not hard for me.
But every time I
see my friend, and see how tired she is and how she constantly keeps studying
her notes and flash cards, I feel guilty and awful and just generally bad. I
try to help her, but I can’t do much, because, well, I don’t do anything in
this class. I can’t help her study. All I can do is tell her all the things she
missed and try to help her do better.
Also, in honour
of two of my excellent friends, Happy National Coming Out Day!
No comments:
Post a Comment