Lately,
I’ve been under a huge amount of stress. I don’t even know why, but there is
just so much that keeps piling on top of me. What with a competitive sport that
takes up about three hours a day, violin that takes up anywhere from one hour
to two hours, preparing for Science Olympiad Nationals, helping run a major
site that keeps breaking (not that I
do much, but it still has quite a bit of work for me to do), school,
programming about seven different languages, plus several major projects and
trying to keep up with life in general…I’m beginning to see why I don’t even
really have time for sleeping.
It’s
exhausting. It really is. My mind is going severely wonky from lack of sleep
and all this stress and strain. Just my necessary work every day (sport, school,
violin) take up so much time that I can’t do anything else until past 10 pm,
and then it’s homework, which can take anywhere from twenty minutes to several
hours depending on how cruel my teachers are being, and then spot-cramming for
SO for at least an hour or two every night (with five or six events and Nats at
the door, I have to), and then trying to fit in all my other things (fixing
broken things on the site, programming, physics, etc). The end result of this?
I usually don’t end up going to bed until at least 2 am, usually a bit past 3,
and can now pull an all-nighter on a whim.
Also
because of all this work, I’ve been doing less and less homework for classes
lately. Sure, occasionally I’ll pick up a math worksheet and do the first two
problems, but then I’ll just put it down and go work on something else that’s
pressing on my mind. It just doesn’t seem important when I compare it to
everything else I’m trying to do. Especially Language work…I have several
assignments that are pretty overdue, and because my teacher is nice and she
likes me, she’s giving me a lot of extra time. Nevertheless, I’m kind of taking
advantage of her kindness and just being like, “ehhhh”. As bad as I feel for
doing that, I can’t help it—I’ve got so much else piled on my plate that
Language just looks small, boring, and uninteresting. I’ve lost pretty much all
motivation to do anything for classes. I do most of my math homework during
band class. I take naps in math if I need to, although usually I spend most of
math frantically preparing other things for when I’m at home.
I’ve also
found that when left to my own devices (i.e. on break or something), I tend to
forget to do things that are necessary for living, such as eating, drinking,
and sleeping. Once, I was home alone for about a day or so, and I completely
forgot about food until my sister complained to me about being hungry. I
promptly microwaved some food for her and went back downstairs, proceeding to
work there till I fell asleep at my desk, which was at some point way early in
the morning.
But now
with all of this…I am extremely exhausted. I don’t know what I can do about it
but just keep plodding through the miles of work stretching before me. A lot of
the time, I don’t want to do the work anymore. I’m nearly falling asleep typing
this, and that may also be why a lot of the sentences are short, choppy, and
badly grammared. I just want to go to sleep for a very long time, and then wake
up and not have any of this…bleh…work.
You definitely need some you-time!
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